Wherein the author of this post talks to herself, and several voices answer back.

Today was a one of those days which just feels vaguely successful. I made bread, and yogurt, as well as going grocery shopping. Very exciting, I know. Two of the small ones were on bikes, and I latched the smallest of my charges into the ATTS (All Terrain Transport Stroller), and we set off down the tracks. Thankfully, due to my hard won foresight in bringing the ATTS, I didn’t have to carry any small children in addition to the groceries, though I did find it somewhat amusing when the one child who was riding started complaining of being tired halfway there. This is while I’m muscling the ATTS through gravel and over mud ruts. Yes, dear, I’m sure you’re tired. Now hush while I cough up a lung. 😀 No, it was fun, and I think I’m building much-needed arm muscles. 

Then, in the evening, K and C brought by a Pizza meal, and then kindly stayed after to talk. Seeing as there is an age gap of about 15 years, the conversation topics don’t abound, but we had a nice evening. 

I’ve been quite physically tired these past two weeks, what with work at a fast food establishment, and trying to mind the home. Last week, this sent me into a bit of a depression, though I’m good now. This depression, when it was gnawing at the back of my chest, prompted me to say to myself,

“Self?”

My self said, “Yes?”

Me said, “I’m not feeling very chipper, self.” 

Self said, “I noticed.” 

Me said, “I don’t really know why?”

Self sighed, and said, “It’s because you’re tired, Me.” 

Me said, “But why? Why should physical tiredness make me feel unimportant, and invisible, and all that nonsense?” 

Self sighed again, rolling her eyes, and said, “Gee, I don’t know. Why don’t we ask I. What do you think, I?” 

I pushed her glasses up her nose and said, “I’ve been thinking about this. I think it’s because when you were depressed for real, you weren’t eating properly, and you were tired all the time. So your mind interprets tiredness as a sign that you’re depressed, and so on.” 

Me and Self nodded, then Me said, “But that’s bad.” 

Self rolled her eyes, hands on her hips. “Yes, Me, notice anything else earth-shattering lately.” 

Me kept talking. “But, how am I gonna manage running a house when I have children? Not to mention this summer’s revolting work schedule.” 

I leaned forward eagerly. “But don’t you see? That’s the point!” 

Self stared levelly at I. “The point? Try again, I almost understood you there.”

 I ignored Self. “The point of what you’re doing this summer! Treat it as a challenge. See if you can make it through a gruelling schedule, and train your body again to not see tiredness as an emotional trigger!” 

Me and Self agreed that this sounded like a challenging challenge, and a fine summer activity.

So there you have my summer objective. Make it through, and train myself to not be depressed when tired. Speaking of which, I really should head for bed now. Fare thee well!

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