How To Make An Evening Magical

Step One:
When getting up to assist in a professional (HA!!) performance of Fred The Moose, (AKA Friendly Moose, AKA Moose in Bed, AKA Moose With Juice, AKA Moose Who Drinks Juice, AKA That Moose Song) by fifteen small girls, be hoarsely informed by the song leader that she can’t lead it, can you?

Step Two:
Remember to inhale. Also, exhaling helps.

Step Three:
Put out of your mind the fact that there are a hundred and fifty people sitting down behind you, watching you.

Step Four:
Answer “Yes I can lead it.”

Step Five:
When asked if you know all the words, answer “By the Grace of God.”

Step Six:
Sing loudly, and pray without ceasing. When you find you’re singing the verses in the wrong order, sing louder, and with more confidence. Ignore the fact that your voice wavers.

Step Seven:
Sit down and allow your heart rate to decelerate to the point that you can hear other people again. Drink Coffee.

Step Eight:
Go home and watch Def Leppard on the telly.


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