So, a couple days ago I discovered TextsFromLastNight.Com.
I probably shouldn’t find this as hilarious as I do, but I do. 😛 It’s like a whole website devoted to why I don’t drink or sleep around! Also, why I don’t have a phone. Jk jk jk…. Anyway, here’s a few of the ones that made me giggle out loud.
850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
(850): I ‘m gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
(789): If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you’d be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he’d be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
(619): Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
(919): OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that’s so ghetto!
(1-919): No. You’re kidding.
(919): I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
(508): hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
(214): ok, stay where you are, be there soon
(503): i met a boy and i’m in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we’re going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
(360): let’s be honest with each other here, that’s about the worst idea you’ve ever had. you need to walk this one off.
(760): ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
(775): Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
(1-775): What!?!?! How are you txting?!
(775): Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
(573): My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he’s seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
(313): All I’ve ever wanted to do in life is right
(517): Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
(432): So why didn’t Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
(207): You need to stop watching Twilight.
(310): All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
(949): Hey sorry for feelin’ up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
(603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn’t use any vowels
(1-603) Haha, I didn’t want to buy any… we’re in a recession you know
(717): You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
(504): idk, it’s all black and i hear low talking…
(1-504): dude, i think you’re in initiation!
(504): shit. that’s not good.
(724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
(410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM…he is my new hero
(434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
(540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
(908): We’re watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.