"I’m just telling it how I see it-" "You need to get your eyes checked."

After stepping into a puddle up to my ankles, I realized that what I had forgotten to bring was my new work shoes. 

True story. 
However, the day decided to disregard that omen, and be a good one. 
The reason I stepped in the puddle was that I had just had an epiphany- of sorts. I’ve been feeling rather out-of-sorts lately. Wound too tight, if that makes any sense. At any rate, I realized that a big reason I was in that state is that I’ve just come up for air after working all summer, and slowed down as everyone else sped up. Most of my friends are getting ready for school, or getting new jobs, or going off to camp, etc, etc, ad nauseam.  Meanwhile, I’m not really doing anything. “I got 13 hours of sleep last night. Does that count?” *cough* Once I know where an emotion’s coming from I can usually get my head around dealing with it, or ignoring it, which ever works. I therefore apologize, (once again,) if I’ve been weird to anyone. I do that, but nothing is meant. Anyhow, I had one of those lovely moments when a whole host of thoughts just click into place, and didn’t tread the edge of the puddle carefully enough. *tsk* 
(For those who might have been worried by my previous post, I have no actual plan to shave my head. “I was being facetious. There was no call for it.” )
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You make me strange

Ah, the play was very good. In addition to everything else I’m learning this year; I finally see why people like Shakespeare! They had the costumes and sets as though in WW2 england. I quite enjoyed it.

With everyone making plans for next year, I do admit that I felt a trifle left out. Everyone is going to go off and do exciting things, (like engineering and library technology) and I’ll just go home… (yes, there is some little sarcasm there.) At any rate, I was moping a little internally. I had decided that I didn’t want to spend enormous amounts of money that I DON’T have, to take some course that I found mildly interesting, and that seemed to cut down significantly on my options in terms of fun things to do. Then, I had an epiphany!

cue internal dialogue: Wait a second here. If I go home, that doesn’t mean all I can do is sit in the house and clean and talk to only to interesting people in my own town! (interesting people in my own town [who will talk to me]=my own family.) I can do other things too! /internal dialogue.

General rejoicing ensues. Self walks down street grinning like a loon, and scaring all the nice dour city people.

As a result, I made up a *cough* life plan, in honour of all my careful classmates.

  • Until April:
    • Pass courses
    • Eat
    • Sleep
    • Talk to people other than myself
  • This Summer
    • Go home
    • Acquire a laptop or other computer
    • Write story in May
    • Help out in the house
    • Track down interesting courses
    • Save money
  • Next school term
    • Take interesting courses by correspondence. Options;
      • Cooking
      • History
      • English
      • Programing
    • Help family
    • Go to the theatre
    • Read interesting books
    • Travel and visit Classmates
    • Convince people to come to Europe with me.
  • Next summer and/or fall and/or winter
    • Travel Europe in company, (2 to 6 people,) for at least 2 months
    • Write things
    • Meet people
    • Learn interesting things
  • Sometime in the next 60+ years, up to and including tomorrow
    • Get married
    • Have kids
    • Write stories
    • Travel the world
    • Learn a language or three
    • Learn interesting things

Looks like a plan to me!

Home!

I’m HOME!

So, after my flight was canceled on Saturday afternoon, I finally made it back at 1:30 Wednesday afternoon. Not an experience I would have chosen, but still overall rather fun, (in the same way that the philosophy exam was fun. : )

I spent 24 hours on standby in Toronto, which was interesting in many senses. RM lives on the outskirts of town, and she marvelously drove out to pick me up, and gave me a bed for the night. Her family has an excellent house, all wood-paneling and rooms in exactly the right place. Moreover, the time I spent in the airport was not particularly stressful. I was number 126 on the standby list to st. john’s, and there were people who had been on the list for three days. That sounds like it should inspire stress, but instead I was able to tell myself that I actually had nothing whatsoever to complain about. When I’ve been stuck in an airport for three nights, and now told I’ll be kicked out by security this evening, with no one to call and every hotel full; Then I’ll get peeved. In addition, I saw some really interesting types of people, including a man who let me go ahead of him in the line to get a confirmed seat (more valuable than diamonds at this point, and considerably rarer.) He didn’t get a confirmation, while I did, and he had been stuck there for four days. Thankfully, this gentleman got a standby seat on the same flight I was confirmed on. He was only about 25, and the last one on the list of 126 to make it out of the airport.

Then when I got to St. john’s I was met by two gems of people who met me at 2:30am, waited for me while I stood by the baggage carousal for an hour, and drove me to their home. Then they got me up in the morning, made me breakfast, and went to work. To recap, that is 2 hours of sleep, undertaken for a girl whom they barely know. The salt of the earth, these people.

I have learned from this venture:
-To not fly Air Canada, if I can possibly help it. (They didn’t even provide bottles of water for the stranded passengers, while Westjet was putting their customers up in hotels with money for food. )
-I am blessed in my friends
-I am blessed in my family’s friends
-I am oddly able to stay happy during a crisis, provided that I can do SOMETHING.
-Travel is very interesting, not predictable, but fascinating!
-There are still gentlemen within my demographic.
-God will provide. (This whole year is an extended example of this lesson.)
-It’s good to be home.

thinking…

I have definitely discovered something interesting about the way my mind works today. Moon Unit, Third World and I were all walking over to the Other Girls’ House for a cookie decorating party, and while walking we played a word association game. One person says a word, the next person says a word which the former word makes them think of, the next person says a word which that word makes them think of, and you continue around and around in a circle. It’s quite funny, but after twenty minutes or so, I started to notice a pattern in my responses. The others would hear a word, think of a word, and say it. I would hear a word, think of an image, and say a word which described that image. I kept saying colours, for example. So, I think in images first, and then translate them. Interesting! I have also realized, through IMing, that I have a remarkable tendency to scramble letters within words. Always cool to realize something of how you work, and here are two things to think over.

Be who you are.

I said I’d try and find a delusion every month to point out, but this is not so much a delusion discovered as an epiphany.

In Trivium this week the class looked at an essay by Annie Dillard, Living like Weasels. We talked about a number of things, but the point that was really driven home for me came out of this line;

The thing is to stalk your calling in a certain skilled and supple way…

This line was picked upon, and started a discussion about finding your calling. A certain person who shall remain nameless gave a discourse on how what is wrong with our education system is that it does not allow people to follow their interests until they graduate. As a result, the immature people this produces don’t know what career to choose and spend their twenties “finding themselves”. I then started feeling defensive because I don’t have a sweet clue what I’m going to do after this year is up. Anyhow, the conversation dwelt for a while on this topic, with a general sense of growing uncomfortableness from most of the class, because most of the class is also undecided in what to do next year. Just when I was feeling mildly wretched, Texas, bless her heart, made a wonderful remark. She said that we often equate “calling” with “career”, when it is much more than that. Your calling is to be the person God made you to be; a parent, a musician, an arithmetician, an architect, or any combination thereof.

This makes so much sense it is almost uncanny. All my philosophy lectures for the past three months converged elegantly into this point! The thing is to know oneself, to be who you are, to flourish. If you are fulfilling the purpose of man, your career will either progress logically from your knowledge of who you are, or be incidental. It is not the only thing which defines you. This is amazing to me.

Ironic side note: When there was the general discussion of how our education system is flawed since it forces everyone to take the same classes, the homeschoolers in the room were strangely silent… We have already mangled the Public vs. Home school issue, and neither side really wants to open that can of worms again, but I did smile internally.

Tea and Conversation

RM has been off about town lately, and now has gone home for the weekend. So after a few days of hermitage, I’ve spent the evening talking with the other people who live in my house. (yes, self, remember them?) This has been a reminder to not simply hide under a rock and converse with only one person.

Right, note to self for future: Remember that there are other people to talk to, even those you don’t normally hang around with!

Everyday

There is something new to learn everyday. Every single day I go to bed thinking, “wow, that’s something to think about”. I’m learning about the world, about myself, about other people. I don’t want that to ever stop. I want to keep on learning for as long as I still can think.

Even when it’s frustrating, life is just so interesting!