So, today, I checked my email two minutes before I had to go to work. I do this, because I never get emails two minutes before I go to work. But it makes me feel useful and aware of things that are happening on the internet.
Today I got an email two minutes before I went to work. I saw that it was titled “residence,” and I went “huh?” And then I read it, and it informed me that a residence room had been reserved for me at my top choice university, please to send monies.
This is when I panicked on the internet at Moon Unit. She reminded me gently that I had to go to work, and do the hyperventilating while walking. SO I DID. And I managed to convince myself that the university residence office wasn’t talking to the admissions office. Since I’d applied in a separate application to either office, clearly the right hand wasn’t talking to the left hand.
That’s about when I got myself down to sanguinity again. *plods home for lunch* AND OH LOOK THERE ARE PARENTS AND THEY HAVE A PACKAGE FOR ME I LOVE PACKAGES THIS ONE IS FROM A UNIVERSITY THAT LOOKS EXCITING OH MY IT HAS A FOLDER WITH A BOOK AND A LETTER IN IT AND IT SAYS “CONGRATULATION AND WELCOME TO OUR COMMUNITY.” This is when the hugging and jumping about started.
And then they wanted it read aloud. That’s when I noticed that it was addressed to John McDonald.
I may not have explicitly mentioned my name on this blog, but I can assure you that it does not begin with John, and neither does it end with McDonald. That’s about when I looked at my lunch, and saw that it was a burned grilled cheese and lumpy cream of mushroom soup. Which seemed appropriate. *slurches about the lunch table* *eats one corner of the black sandwich*
And THEN- oh yes, internets, this story goes ON- I gave up on eating and called the admissions office.
Have a paraphrase of the conversation.
Me: “Oh hai, university which I dearly want to get into. I got this letter today, it kinda thinks I’m a guy. What’s up with that?”
Uni: “Oh yes, he got the letter today, saying he’s a woman, and he doesn’t agree with that either, so we’re sending out new packages today. Lolz.”
Me: “So- I’m in?”
Uni: “No, of course not. JAY KAY you’re totes accepted. We want your brain.”
So I went back to work, where I was utterly useless all day, due to a tendency to skip about in high heels, and read the glossary of my university calendar.
P.S. The soup and sandwich were delicious.